


The Poem

by ThoughtsThatAreWeird



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: M/M, bo burnham - Freeform, hella angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-22 18:22:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12487988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThoughtsThatAreWeird/pseuds/ThoughtsThatAreWeird
Summary: Be careful what you say because they may remember even after.





	The Poem

**Author's Note:**

> not beta yet

“‘I'll love you until I'm dead on the outside. I'll give you all of my moral seconds. I'll never leave your side. I'll die holding your hand.’” Phil said to Dan as they sat on the couch, both on their laptops. Dan looked up at Phil with a skeptical look.  
“What does the rest of it say?” he said, knowing what was missing. Phil got a scared look on his face.  
“That’s it.” Phil said as his face and voice showed he was lying. Dan looked him in the eyes almost to tell him he knew he was lying. Under the pressure he blurted out “Fine, ‘But after that, I want some “me time.”’ You happy?” Dan smiled back at him and went back to his browsing.  
“Bo Burnham, right?” Dan said. Phil’s head dropped.  
“Thought I would be able to get one by you.”  
“Well, pick a harder one next time.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Weeks later Dan fell violently ill and then a very few short months later...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“You know what, Phil?” Dan said, even though it hurt him to. Phil rushed to his side.  
“What is it?”  
“‘I'll love you until I'm dead on the outside. I'll give you all of my moral seconds. I'll never leave your side. I'll die holding your hand.’ What was that last part again?” Dan groggily.  
“‘But after that, I want some “me time.”’ Why?” Phil knew the answer but didn’t want to say it. Dan looked at him through his hobbit hair.  
“Get some “me time”, alright? You may need it.” Dan said and looked up at the ceiling, took a deep breath and stopped. Phil’s eyes grew bigger the more he realized what just happened, and he was never the same after that.  
Phil about a month later decided to go to one of those people who can communicate with the dead to see if Dan stuck around and his reasoning. "I feel a spirit nearby…” the lady said. “the name starts with a… no wait he wants to say the relationship first. He is shushing me? Was it a secret?” Phil nodded close to tears. “he has his hands in the shape of a heart, then shushing again then shaking his head.”  
“no, I wouldn't. I couldn't…” Phil said and hung his head low.  
“he put his hand on your shoulder, nodded and pointed to his wrist.”  
“it isn't time. At least not for me.”  
“he nodded and walked away from you. He gave me his name. Dan? He is just standing there. Now he is pointing to you and is taking a match to ham? Now it has caught fire. What is he trying to say? He is burning the ham. What? Rolling your eyes doesn’t help!”  
Then Phil remembered "I may one day, but I may never get over you.”  
“I think he is trying to say that he wants you to.”  
“I lost a part of me when I lost you. Why would you ever think that I would want ‘some me time’ after I lost half of myself? It may never be an option.” he finished the session and left. Though it had been months since Dan left, it still hung over him like the clouds, at any moment water could start flowing. Everyone was telling him that Dan would want him to move on, but, how could he? After 10 years of always being together, how do you just… forget? The cold within him made it hard to stay. Depression didn’t help with his lack willingness to live. Every day it seemed harder to just see the apartment without thinking of Dan or hoping he would be there. His heart was being dragged along the ground day by day, exposed and feeling so, so heavy. His wish to be done was always met with an attempt to save him, but it never worked. He lost the one thing that kept him smiling and willing to go out of his room every day.  
He told his brother, Martin, of the thoughts of him wanting to join Dan but Martin told him to stay around, and to get his mind off it by doing something. Then Martin decided to invite him to hang out one day, some brother hanging out. Phil decided he might as well. He told martin everything, because he almost never talked to his brother and never told anyone in his family what Dan meant to him. Finally, Martin understood what Phil was talking about, why he had so much pain after. That whole day they hung out, and even through the night. Martin knew that he needed him now. He knew that he could help a little but not heal it all. You can’t heal pain without time.  
He felt like he was rotting from the inside. Full of regret, lost, depression, and just the wish that his best friend would come back from his eternal holiday. He always felt Dan was with him, and often had the feeling of saying “Me time will have to wait.” as if he was answering a statement, but no one heard the first part. All his viewer was asking how he has doing (hearing from Phil but mostly from other youtubers of what happened) but he always lied and told them that he was just fine. He didn’t want them to worry about him. But they still were scared about one of their idols disappearing, and also scared that Phil was losing his mind. It was months and Phil never left his flat and the only time people would hear from him at was at night. Because he would sleep but wake up in tears because the dream was of him and Dan, happy and enjoying life. No one could stand to see him like this.  
Phil was lost and decided what he should do. He only posted one video that year. It started with Phil looking tired and in his room, but it was messy. “So, many of you must know that Dan fell ill earlier this year. And later died because of it. And it is hard to get over someone you have lived with and loved for 10 years. And I do regret some things, but I can’t change it. I want to leave you with one last remark.” he paused and took a breather as if to hold in tears. “You will grow attached to people, so make sure that every moment with them is better than the next. Cause one day all you will have left of them are just the memories you have. See them happy. Look at their smile. So, when you have nothing left of them, you can think of them happy and with a smile.” he smiled when he said smile because it reminded him of Dan’s bright smile. “Please tell me you will do that? Also, can you show more people my video? I would like to know that I will still have a legacy. Bye guys!” and it ended. As so did amazingphil. Later after it uploaded he left also. But now he is with Dan, happy and smiling, loving every moment. And everyone made sure his legacy lived on, for many, many years.


End file.
